Hey hows it goin everyone?

Google!!

Ahhh!!

Did you pee your pants a little? Sorry bout that…

But I had to do it to prove a point.

You’re hopelessly obsessed with and scared of Google!

Why?!!?!

Stop it!

And you say in your whiny little scaredy cat internet marketer voice…

“But Sean… Google’s scary, and they’re out to get me!”

No they’re NOT! Stop it stop it stop it!!!

The second you stop thinking that the big ‘ol meany Google monster is gonna come out from under your bed and eat you and your keywords alive, is the second you’ll start doing better online.

Why?

OK, I hate to bring it down to this level, but whatever guys… This may help you get your head straight so here it goes.

Have you ever “hit on” the opposite sex in a bar, at a party, etc?

I bet you have. And if you haven’t, stop reading this post and go out and get a life already!

But really there’s lots of lessons to be learned in that interaction of getting hit on, and/or being hit on.

For example:

If you go up to a girl and say…

“Hey baby… What’s your sign? You’re lookin hot tonight! Let’s go back to my place, and… you know…”

They’re gonna give you a big fat GOOGLE SLAP! <—- Woahhhh keep that in mind.

On the other hand, if you go up to that same person and say…

“Hi, I saw you sitting here, I’m bored and you look like you could be a cool person, my name is Sean, what’s yours?”

You *still* might get the Google slap! Or maybe they’ll be like “Dude your kinda crazy lookin and you need to brush your teeth! Bye!”

But the chances are a lot higher that you’ll get a lot further with the second approach.

Let’s take a second example.

Have you ever seen the “Dog Whisperer” on the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet or whatever?

Well, in case you haven’t seen it, it’s about this dude “Cesar Milan” who takes troubled dogs and helps them become good dogs almost overnight.

His trick? He doesn’t work on the dogs, he works on the owners.

Most of the owners are either scared of their own dogs, or scared to assert themselves as an authority figure over their dogs.

Almost all of the time, when they try to control their dogs they end up whining at them like “Come on Foofy-Diddles! Come over here! Foofy-Diddles, stop pulling on the leash please. Foofy!” As they’re being pulled into oncoming traffic by their out of control dog. They’re basically getting GOOGLE SLAPPED by their dogs.

The Dog Whisperer guy then shows them how to do it by taking hold of the dog, showing it who’s boss, and in just a few minutes the dog is doing whatever Cesar want’s him to.

What’s the connection between Google, the Dog Whisperer and “hitting on someone?”

Here it is: (Big life lesson alert here so listen up)

If you’re desperate, and frustrated, you’re basically out of control.

And you will be taken advantage of, or knocked down because of that desperation and frustration.

The opposite sex smells it, dogs smell it, and GOOGLE smells it.

Seriously.

You need to stop being scared of Google, stop being frustrated with Google, and quit being so desperate to make “it work.”

The Dog Whisperer calls it “using calm assertive energy” to get what you want out of your dog. And the same thing works for people.

Guess what? Google likes it too.

If you’re “spamming” a bunch of blog comments with your exact anchor text as your “name” and every single one of your links having your exact same anchor text, pointing to the exact same page, and having all your links be dofollow, etc. That’s basically the same as coming on WAY too strong at the bar, or yelling “Foofoo bunny come back!!! No treats for you!!”

Instead, how about you be a little more calm, confident, and collected.

What types of links would a “real” authority site get back to their site? Would they get “Furniture File Cabinets” <— by the way that’s a horrible keyword.

Or would they get www.YourSite.com ? <— Much more likely.

But seriously, stop being scared of Google. They *can* be your friend, you just have to get them on your side.

And the first step is to stop acting like a frustrated chump that no one wants to hang out with cause you’re driving Google crazy.

They’re like…. “Who’s this loser with all the same anchor text bugging me every day? Go away!”

The Good news? Google is a forgiving beast.

So go back to them… Say “Hey Google, I just took a good look at myself and realized I’ve been a jerk lately, I’ve been bugging the heck out of you and I’ll do my best to stop. I really want to be friends, and that’s why I *was* bugging you, but now I realize I was going about it the wrong way. How about we start things over?”

Now that’s not an excuse to stop working hard.

Just work a little smarter and confident this time.
-Sean